Wednesday, September 12, 2007
A Jealous Lover
I just returned home from a horribly strange evening. Words cannot express how I feel right now. Betrayed, jealous, confused – these come close. Let me briefly explain. A few hours ago, my wife invited me to go out to dinner with who she described as a friend of hers. She told me to meet them at the restaurant at 7 o’clock and we’d go on from there. I arrived on time and as I walked into the place I saw her in the distance in one of the corner booths. As I walked over, I was surprised to see a man and young boy in the booth with her. The boy was moving about, going back and forth from booth to booth and the man was sitting across from my wife. As I sat down, she introduced us and the next few moments blew me away. As an hour came and went, it became casually apparent that they had been spending a lot of time together recently. They joked and teased one another and kept referencing shared experiences. I’d watch as she’d blatantly stare into his eyes and smile. It was as if she thought that nothing was even wrong with it and I could feel a sick feeling rising up within me with each passing moment.
The boy was somewhat rowdy, always moving about and desiring to get into some sort of trouble. Both my wife and this man, however seemed to think it was so cute and they’d laugh as they’d reflect on many "remember when’s". Although they’d talk to me and interact with me a little, it was as if I wasn’t even there. Could my wife not see how upset I was becoming and how bewildered I was by all of this? I had never felt so confused. After all, I have always been the jealous type. This goes on for quite some time with many more disturbing examples of their obvious feelings for one another. At one point they even whispered intimate details of their "relationship".
After a bit more time, my wife said that they were ready to go, so we all left the restaurant and went outside to the parking lot. As we approached the car, my wife asked me to drive. Assuming that she and I would leave alone, I agreed. As I opened the door and stepped in the car to sit down, all three of them got in the car, this mystery man sitting right beside my wife! I was appalled, hurt, heartbroken. As we drove off, I somehow now knew that this child was theirs. It was as if it was being presented to me as no big deal, just simply the way it was.
As we drove along, my wife would ask me to stop and let her drive for a few minutes. Then, after getting a few miles down the road, she’d stop the car and have me drive again. I had had enough! As we pulled off to the side of the road to swap driving again, we exited the car and met in the middle behind it. "I can’t believe that you have another lover! What are you thinking?" I shouted. She replied, "What do you mean? It’s not a big deal so just calm down. I love you, you know that." Full of confusion and thoughts of unbridled jealousy I said, "Well you're actions sure aren't showing it. We're married! You vowed to be my wife, you committed yourself to me and I to you."
She seemed unaffected by my concern and walked around the car to get in. I told her that I wouldn’t drive them around anymore. That I couldn’t take it, nor should I casually be expected to! The most incredible part is that she somehow couldn’t believe that I had a problem with this. My response was that I would absolutely not share her with another man and allow her to carry on another life. As I stood behind the car, on the side of the road, they drove off and left me there. All went black….then I woke up.
This was a dream that I just woke up from. God continues to speak to me via His Word, via dreams that He is a jealous lover. There absolutely cannot be another above Him or beside Him in our lives. It’s no more ridiculous for me to make Him Lord of my life and surrender my all to Him and then "have another family" of sin and self on the side than it is for my wife to have an "extra family". Like this dream, we’re too often naïve and ignorant about it all, assuming that it’s not a big deal and that somehow Jesus will just tolerate it all. After all, most people see Jesus as this cuddly little meek man that just loves as some intoxicated hippy figure would. God is love, yes. He is also a holy and righteous God that will not tolerate another God in His place. Is He patient? Yes. Is He full of grace? Yes, it abounds. But, just like I wouldn’t tolerate sharing my wife with other lovers, God will not tolerate another in His place in my life. He is either Lord or He’s back on the side of the road where He got out of the car as you drove off to pursue something else.
My encouragement to us all is, TURN AROUND! Go back and run with open arms to your first love. He first loved you. He alone is true, just and always faithful! Anything else that we put in His place is just an illegitimate counterfeit of the real thing. We were created for relationship with our Father and I will no longer whore myself to any other.