Thursday, November 29, 2007

Jesus's For Every Season

The following was birthed out of a new writing that I was doing this morning regarding the power of the name of Jesus (which will soon be completed). It's obviously meant to be jovial and cause you to get a good chuckle or two. On the other hand, beneath the surface, a great truth exists. We all need to be able to laugh, but when the laughing is done, I pray that you sit and really contemplate, as I did, the great depths of the reality of this God/Man named Jesus.

Jesus's For Every Season

Last Minute Gift Jesus – This Jesus is perfect when you've run out of time and you're in dire need for anything to fill a box. Everything else is sold out, so why not give Him a try? After all, He's better than nothing, right?

Free Gift Jesus – This Jesus simply comes in the form of a goodie bag along with a purchase. (* While supplies last. Minimum purchase required. Color and size subject to availability. See your local cosmetics counter for details)

Gift Card Jesus – Here's a novel idea – give Jesus! YOU choose the amount of Jesus that you want to give to that special someone this year. The recipient can use Him whenever they get around to it. (* Sorry, no cash value or exchanges. Expires within 30 seconds of purchase.)

Gold Level Partner Jesus (Also known as "Seed Sower" Jesus) – Now this is an exclusive Jesus! The holidays are always the perfect time to pledge your support of Rev. Dolorznsenz. Jesus will arrive wearing a beautiful lace robe with a 24K gold sash. (* Will ship with your choice of a prayer hanky, Bible on CD-ROM or vial of miracle water, FREE!)

SuperHero Action Figure Jesus – A super-fun guy, full of gadgets and plastic weapons. He's arrayed with super powers! Upgrade to the deluxe edition figure that performs simulated miracles, signs and wonders! (* This figure is completely fictional and does not represent or condone the belief in a "real" or "tangible" Jesus.)

Regift Jesus – Perfect for those who never wanted Jesus in the first place, so feel free to pass Him along to some other person that may actually want Him.

Religious Jesus – Available ONLY at your local Christian bookstore! Now motion-activated – the more noise you make, the more He moves! Also, His mouth is a piggy bank that smiles when you put money in it! (* Each Religious Jesus purchase receives a free pack of Testamints!)

Sweet Baby Doll Jesus – The perfect Jesus for your non-confrontational Christian friends or those that want to be careful not to offend others! This Jesus simply lays motionless in a manger with a permanent smile and arms raised to the heavens. Cute and cuddly and, best of all, you only need to set Him out during the Holidays!

Create Your Own Jesus – (New for 2007!) Jesus can be whatever YOU want Him to be! That's right – He can be a tree, a car - virtually anything that your mind can imagine! The sky is the limit!

The True Biblical Jesus, the Son of God – A living and breathing entity. He's your best friend, your confidant, but also your Lord. He goes where you go and you desire to always do as He wishes. This is no comic book character, He's the real deal.
(* WARNING: Not recommended for babies or young children that are not ready to become inheritant sons and daughters of the entire Kingdom of God.)

Today, Jesus asks you the same question that He asked His disciples 2,000 years ago. He asks you, "Who do you say that I am?" Forget about your friends, your Pastor, your family, your neighbors. "Who do YOU say that I am?" You see, in the end, how you answer this question will really be all that matters. I encourage you to turn off your computer, unplug from the world for a few moments and talk to YOUR Jesus. Evaluate who He is to you and where your relationship with Him stands. After all, isn't the Christmas season supposed to be about the real, literal and even now alive Jesus? I believe that it is. Let's trade in our "other Jesus's" and live for the one true King of King and Lord of Lords.

Happy Holidays.


Alan Knox said...

Great post, Joel! Thank you for pointing it out to me. Wonderful sarcasm and wonderful point. I'm looking forward to your upcoming post on the name of Jesus.


Anonymous said...

Really laughed when I first heard this, but when I read it the truth was very sobering. Is it possible these words were given to you, posted for us, that each of us reading this would look at the way we perceive Jesus to be in our life? May we take a magnifying glass to our perceptions, and determine to choose the gift -The True Biblical Jesus, the Son of God - A living and breathing entity in our lives. Allow Him to be our best friend, our confidant, our Lord, THE REAL DEAL. This will make a difference at Christmas and every month of the year. He IS my best friend, my confidant, my Lord. He goes where I go and I wish more and more to do as He wishes. Thank you Joel for listening and passing this one on.


Richard said...


When I see intelegence, wit and creativity on this level in one person there is only one thing I can say, I forgive you (but only because I have to!)


Ferrari said...

I think the picture of buddy christ makes it all the more funny.

We take the concept of personal faith too far sometimes. Now we have too many "versions" of Christ out there. Not that i have it perfect yet... nor will i ever, but i do hope that i have not been wrongly portraying Christ through one of those mediums.

hetty said...

I just read this and it took me a minute to get it. I think I was on the 3rd one when I realized just how it was meant to be read. I just kept thinking of we so often put Jesus into some sort of mold to fit our lives so that we can live as we want to and still have that warm cozy feeling. I loved the disclaimers at the bottom. I read them in my head like you hear on tv. It was great. It was very good to have something to think about this morning. thanks