Sunday, March 02, 2008
Two years ago today I made, arguably, one of the biggest decisions of my life. I shut down what had become 70+ hours of my week, consumed all of my energy, and was the primary focus of my life. It was the day that I took Indie Access Radio off the air. As crazy as it sounds looking back, it was true, I lived for music – it defined my existence. I was always driven to attend every live show that I could. I’d meet the bands, their managers, their label reps – anybody that was anybody, I would track down. Quickly, I myself even became a small “somebody” in the indie rock scene. We’d go to shows on VIP lists, get free merch given to us, record labels would call me, we’d sit in vans and green rooms doing interviews, I even sat on a panel of "industry people" critiquing up-and-coming artists once – all was going even better than I had ever planned.
The problem however was it was consuming all of me. My marriage suffered, I had few true friends and my focus was 100% on IAR, which was in fact, myself. I was a Christian in loose terms, heck, I had even been a youth pastor before… twice! But, I had absolutely no fruit of a true Believer, I was simply a “Christian” by general definition, buried under layers and layers of self. To get real personal, I had started drinking again, but never in too great of excess this time around, just enough to fit in and be accepted. My time working on the station caused me to almost always be online, so this was perfect for me to continue my unexplainable fascination with porn. Time with my wife consisted of talking about IAR and what show we were going to next or upcoming interviews that I had landed. I was doing fine, listeners were skyrocketing, website hits were through the roof in 20+ countries, ad-buyers were becoming interested – I had arrived, right? I thought so.
As anyone who paid attention two years ago knows, all came to a sudden halt when God walked into the picture. You see, my whole life I knew deep down that there was more to me than what I had ever really sought out. After all, it’s much easier to just promote whatever it is that you’re into at the time and go with that. The next thing you know, you’re thirty-something and that deep longing for more has become so buried, you don’t even remember it’s there. Well, a long story short, (you can read that in the old blog) God chose to step in and unveil my eyes. In a matter of a couple of days, absolutely EVERYTHING in my life changed. My house didn’t burn down, my wife didn’t die – it was no great tragedy that “drove me to faith out of desperation”, it was literally like I saw with new eyes. What I saw I didn’t like anymore – I was being called to die to my pride, my control, my idols, my addictions and it was tough. So I took the station off of the air, cut my ties to the music industry reps and labels, chose to die to self and embarked on a new journey.
I sit here now still on that journey. The last two years of my life have been absolutely incredible. I’m closer to my wife than I’ve ever been. I have a network of friends that would literally sell all they have in order to help me, if I were in need. I still love music, but have pretty effortlessly left behind the millions of “songs about nothingness” that used to be the soundtrack for my life. I have found purpose, I have found joy, I have found what it means to truly live. So to the scores of you that sent emails and messages that sent me off with “thanks and God bless you”, I have truly seen the hand of God rest on my life and each day is better than the last. To the few that said, “you’re crazy, what’s wrong with you?” I say, here I am, now two years later and I would NEVER trade one day of what I have now for a lifetime of success with Indie Access Radio.
So I encourage you, as one who is living it out – striving to be who he was created to be – why do YOU exist? What are your promoting? In Christ and in He alone lies your destiny, your purpose. ALL else is futile and will end in death, it really is that simple. Stand up, stand out and say no to the lie that it’s all about you. It’s all about Him. It’s ALL about Him.