Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Dear Son

Yesterday morning I sat down to write a letter to my unborn son. Last night, I sat down beside my beautiful wife and read it to him. What an indescribably incredible time that I'll never forget.

Dear Son,

Hello son, this is your dad. I know you’ve heard me talk to you and rub you on your mom’s belly on occasion. I don’t really know you yet, but my heart overflows with love for what we’ll share in the days, months and years to come. In all honestly, your mother and I never intended to bring you into this world. You see, we never knew all of the miraculous things that your arrival would entail. I was too wrapped up in my life, my plans and my ways. Your mom and I will have spent over thirteen years together by the time you meet us. They’ve been wonderful years - years establishing who we are together and individually. We’ve shared joyful times and a lot of hurts too. One day, you too will know these things. For now though, let’s just all enjoy the innocence of your arrival.

Many miraculous circumstances took place leading up to our finding out about you. I had an unexplainable medical event in my life that could have impaired me for the rest of my life, disabling me from being able to hold you or even talk to you clearly. But the great thing is, buried within this battle were innumerable life lessons and a victory was won! You see, my Father held me in His hand just like I’ll hold you in mine. He cradled me in safety and assured your mom and me that I would be OK. I hope to be such a great father to you son. Thankfully, my Father is also yours. He’s the One who’s been fashioning you with His own hands, in His own awesome image. You surely know Him well by now. I know this because your mother and I have constantly prayed that He would be hovering over you and intimately interacting with you while you’re in your mom’s belly. She’s provided you with the perfect dwelling for you to grow in. So too does our Father have such a place for you. I’ll tell you more about it all soon. In fact, we have our entire lives to talk about it. I can think of no thing greater to share with you!

When your mom told me about you, I must admit, I was pretty scared. All that I knew would be changing. All I had ever seen down the road for your mom and me was somehow instantaneously erased. I’m sorry that it was hard for me for a bit. I was just selfish, plain and simple. I’ll never forget the night I knelt before you and your mom, weeping. I laid down my will and plans that night, son. I chose to embrace you and welcome you into our lives. I hurt deeply that night, like a part of me was removed. In fact, I think that it was. But it was a necessary removal, a spiritual surgery of sorts. Father was my strength that night too as I had none. Perhaps that was the beauty of it all, you think?

I’ll continue to walk this path as you move from the womb to the world. I promise your mother and I will love you more than we love life itself. We’ll lay down our lives for you. We’ll sacrifice for you. We’ll teach you how to embrace the eternal things. You’ll meet so many people enamored with the things of this world that are passing all away. You’ll see that they’re all around, really. They’re not bad people or anything, they just haven’t been enabled to see beyond the temporal things of life. Occasionally perhaps, you’ll even have to tell me that I too have joined in such activities. This life isn’t easy, son. You’ll have many hurts, often by those who love you the most. People likely won’t understand you or why you’re disinterested in following the crowds. That’s OK. In fact, that is wonderful!!! Nothing excites me more than sharing this journey called life with you. There’s so much more to life than the things of this world. Your mother and I, for years now, have said that we longed to share with others this narrow-path life that we’ve found. I can think of no one greater to share it with than you!

In the times when all others seem to turn aside, we will be here, no matter what. The agape love of our Father knows no boundaries or limitations. It’s this love that I pray I can show you all the days of your life. I’m still learning too, so please be patient with me, OK? I know that I’ll make many mistakes along the way. After all, you must remember that I’ve never been a parent before and new things take some time to learn!

You’ll be here in a few weeks now. In fact, it’s completely feasible that you could arrive anytime. Words can’t properly express how I long to see your mom gaze onto your beautiful face. I fully believe that it will change my life forever - that moment. I envision it often, you know. When I prayed over her, right around the time you were conceived, I asked the Father to birth joy in her. I asked Him to allow joy to leap in her womb. Guess what? You are that joy! You are her new life! You will forever change her entire innermost being when she looks into your eyes. You! You see, you’re no mistake. Do you remember the night that she told you that we wanted you while you were ever so tiny in her belly? She cried tears of joy as she rejoiced over the miracle that was you! She embraced you readily with open arms, despite the surprise and shock of it all. Your mother is so awesome, son! She loves so deeply and true. She has eyes for no other and has loved me through some pretty rough times. Many times when I made bad decisions or was just flat out selfish. Just try not to hoard too much of her great love, OK? Your dad will still need some too!

So, when she sees you son, this joy unspeakable will arrive! Sure she’s seen glimmers of it already, but oh when you lay upon her chest for the first time! If you’re not too busy crying and breathing your first breaths of this earth’s air, you might want to look over my way. I’ll be the one crying uncontrollably as I bask in this amazing moment unfolding before my very eyes. You see son, I don’t think I’m like most dads. I’m not better or anything like that, it’s just that Father has given me eyes to see things – feel things a bit differently than most. When I see you, I won’t just see an offspring of mortal man. I’ll see a miracle of all Creation! A new life, birthed into the opportunity to willingly choose the reason you were created! Just don’t get too used to all of this attention because you’ll spend your entire adult life unlearning that everything is actually not all about you after all! So enjoy it while you can! [smile]

Your mother and I anticipate your arrival dear one. We’re hoping to decide on a name soon. Your mom wants to wait until she sees you before she decides completely. I’m a bit more of a planner than she, you’ll know this soon. We’ll see. We’ve got all of your things ready. Our entire house has been prepared just for you. We have a stroller with real inner-tube, rubber tires! A cool, little swing that vibrates in case you’re having trouble sleeping. Oh, and your room! Your mom and I put the coolest little animal decals all over the walls. We think you’ll love them, (but to be honest, most of that kind of stuff is for us really). There’s a moon light and a ton of stuffed animals that friends and family have given just for you! Your mom got you the coolest little sock bunny too, from a neat toy store in North Carolina! We’ll have to take you there when you get older. We’ve got your bassinet and crib all ready too! In fact, a baby slept in your crib just the other night when she was visiting. Her name’s Mercy, we think you’ll just love her! She has a big sister too, she’s pretty awesome. She calls you “Boy, Boy” and has been asking for you to ”come out” for months now. The bassinet was slept in by a future friend of yours too. His name’s Hugh. He’s a pretty cool little guy with awesome parents and you’ll even get to wear some of his clothes!

Well, I could go on all day and into the night but I guess I’ll just save the rest to tell you in person. So, until I see you face to face, keep growing son. Enjoy the last few weeks of being perfectly held by Father’s mighty hands, untouched by this world. He’s not quite done forming you yet, but He’s so close! Doctors want to force you out and tell your mom she has all these things that could potentially go wrong. But between you and me, I believe she (and you) will do just fine! You come out when the Father tells you it’s time, so be listening, OK? He knows best! After all, He’s known your birthday since before time and space began!

We love you son. We’ll see you soon. Oh, and one more thing, be thinking about putting together a good sleep schedule now, while you’ve got the time. Your mom and I kinda like sleeping at night. ;)


8 comments:

Eric and Sarah said...

Joel...you are already a truly wonderful dad. Boy Boy is coming into an amazing family of love that reflects so beautifully the love of Christ. I am so proud of both you and Kristin for who you are and who you are becoming as parents. This journey is going to be amazing and I thank the Father for allowing us to be near by travelers with you...LOVE ALL THREE OF YOU!
ps- I only cried a little and smiled the whole time :)

Joel Spencer said...

Thanks Sarah. if you only cried a little you SURELY did better than me. ;)

We too are excited about what lies ahead for our families in the days ahead. Thanks for your constant support and encouraging words!

Huanyan said...

hi, chanced upon your blog. Indeed inspired by your posts.

God bless

Kold_Kadavr_flatliner said...

Beautifull, JJ. Those words touched my heart, dood; they reminded me of when I was born and the umbilical cord wrapped around me nekk. Our blogs R mainly on Heaven... which not many people shall ever see because they're tooo damm involved in the whorizontal. Solution: bring your kid up withe knowledge and bawls of a HereAfterLifetime. And make bloody sure he goes in the RITE direction, too!

Caribbean Cahtolic said...

Hi Joel,
Greetings from Trinidad in the Caribbean and the Caribbean Catholic Blog....
Congratulations on your new family member. I am sure your wife is enjoying each new day with her passenger. For me it was so surreal. I think I was in a daze, wondering what would happen next. Even now I look at my 4 kids and think.. well ok! I'm a dad.... other times I look at them and marvel, "Did I do that?" but not like Erkle would say it ok? And always I wonder if I am giving them a good example and hope that they would turn out to be good christians and good other things too. "Unborn child" from Dan Hill, "Julie through the glass" from Carley Simon, "Daniel's Song" from Loggins Messina, would always bring tears to my eyes when I hear them and think of my children.

Loved the letter to your son. God bless you and your family man!

Cindy Rella said...

I'm sure your son will be proud of you when he grows up and reads this blog. How sweet for a man. You'll make a great father! I was so touched while I was reading this letter... God bless you and your family :)

Anonymous said...

After reading several of your posts and seeing where you stand in regards to religion and this nation, I feel sorry for your son. It's a downright shame that anyone should squander their freedoms as you apparently do. The fact that he'll never know what a blessing it is to be within a church body or hear a challenging sermon or be raised to desire a dedicating of his life to this nations military is a sad thing indeed. I pray you see the error of your ways and raise your son in a way that honors the Lord. God bless you nonetheless.

Joel Spencer said...

Anonymous: I must say, if you're serious (and it would seem that you in fact are) you've summed up in one short paragraph what I've spent years examining and writing about.

My son will be brought up with a knowledge of the love of the Lord and will have the Christ-life lived out in front of him, free from the patterns of this world that permeate this nation and the churches that sit on her every corner.

Please don't pity us or pray that we return back to captivity, with a son in tow. We choose the lesser-worn path where God Himself dwells.