After last weekends 12–hour prayer and worship service, this weekend was sure set to be a great one as well. The church building was packed as many college students have returned to the area and were checking out the service. The message was right on, the worship was ushering in God's presence, but something was wrong. That something was me. I was in another world, and I surely don't mean in a supernatural glory of God sense either. I didn't take any serious time alone with the Lord Saturday and had a somewhat stressful Sunday morning leading up to the service. Superficial things that should have fell right off of me were allowed to fester a bit. No time alone with the Lord was taken before church Sunday morning either and my spirit was feeling the result. I constantly ask the Lord why my spirit man requires so much attention and why I feel so dramatically different when I'm not in constant and deep fellowship with Him. I know that there's a strong call on my life and much is required when much is given, but I see so many people all around me that seem to "coast along" in their walk with the Lord. I'm not talking about casual Christians who have no depth to their walk, I'm referring to people that seemingly just "stay" in God's presence and interaction. Maybe I'm just too infantile in my walk, maybe I'm simply too easily distracted. Whatever the case, I'm seeking the Lord's response to my questions on this matter as I know that I truly desire to grow and remain in the depths of all that He is at all times.
This morning, I found myself led to pray that my spirit would rise to the surface in my life as I continually put my flesh to death. Death to pride, death to self–promotion, death to my carnal mind that so easily runs off on its own – death to my "trying so hard" to meet with God. The Holy Spirit was leading me to pray that my spirit man would rise up and takes its proper place at all times, in all occasions. I know for a fact that God has called me to great things and that I will see His glory fall mightily in my days, He's unfolded many mysteries and plans to me – plans that I can hardly even believe, despite my great imagination and quest for understanding. He continues to remind me that it's a process. I don't like process, I like "now". Of course, He knows this so I'm often reminded that my every decision affects who I become. Everything I say or don't say becomes part of the new creation that He is making me to be each and every day. That is often a tough one for me.
Even though I felt a million miles away in the move that God was doing at church yesterday, I confessed that He is Lord. When I battled with my thoughts of distraction and frustration, I announced that He is worthy. As I left discouraged and confused, He alone is God and is deserving of my praise and adoration. He reminds me that I'm growing and of where I've been, but more importantly, where I'm going. Today I choose His ways, His plans, His course for it alone is worth taking. May my spirit man rise up and take its place today. May it surface and reflect God's glory for it's there alone that I desire to stay. Lord, take me to the great depths of Your presence because I don't desire to be anywhere else. All else has become shallow and meaningless if You're not in it. Unveil my eyes to see all that You are and all that You see in me, for it's this alone that I desire to see. Be seen in my life. Be felt in my life. Be all that You are in my lifetime so that others may see that You are alive and moving amongst us here. Have Your way. Have Your way.