Desires of the Heart

Almost fourteen years ago now, my wife and I were both 37 years of age. In December of that year, we discovered that we were going to have our first child. We had already been married for over ten years and had become quite comfortable and set in our plans. We had, of course, discussed having children over those years, but the thought was always cast aside, especially as we were nearing 40. Usually due to my own selfishness and fears. I was fully convinced that I never wanted children (as crazy as that sounds.) I vividly remember the day that I was driving alone, crying out to Father about my insecurities, fears and questions, relating to becoming a father. I didn’t know how to be a father. How would we take care of a child? What would have to change? I had many questions… many fears. Then, today’s verse came to mind. As sure as I’m sitting here this morning, I knew that this was the voice of my Father speaking it to me. I remember saying, out loud, “What in the world do you mean? *This* is not the desire of my heart!” I may have even thrown in a “Are You crazy?!?” question and sounded a bit like Abraham and Sarah. Next, however, came this. I heard the voice of Father speak to me, in my innermost place. The place where the real me resides. “Joel, I know the innermost desires of your heart. Even the places that you just don’t even know exist yet. Trust Me.” As I arrived home that evening, I went straight to my wife and repented to her, and to my Father for being so selfish and fearful. That night was truly one of the most powerful spiritual moments of my life. I embraced the gift that He was bringing to us, even if I thought that I somehow knew better than He. From that moment on, I was changed. Of course, I still had many fears and concerns that didn’t just instantly vanish, but from there my heart was set. Thankfully, here we are today – parents of an awesome boy that is ever so quickly becoming a young man. Father did know the desires of my heart, even before I knew of them myself. Being a father is one of the greatest joys of my life. Today, I cannot even imagine not having our son in our life. What about you, friend? Entrust your everything to Him today and then believe that whatever He brings is for your good, even if you cannot see it as such in the moment. Let us commit our ways to Him fully. Trust in Him today. He is good. Selah.